Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

WTF Talking Button

Black desk gadget featuring a bright red dome button labeled WTF on a wooden surface.

Finally, a way to express your internal screaming without HR getting involved. This WTF Talking Button lets you slam your frustrations into a loud, censored outburst of ten profane phrases. It’s the ultimate desk companion for those moments when "it wasn't me" is the only honest thing left to say.

$13ishWANT IT

Under Desk Foot Hammock

Black fabric foot hammock suspended under a wooden office desk for relaxation while working.

Your feet deserve a vacation from the floor while you're stuck in a meeting that definitely could have been an email. This Under Desk Foot Hammock lets you lounge like a corporate pirate, complete with a headphone holder for your "I'm-actually-working" playlist.

$16ishWANT IT

Zero F's Given Coins

Shiny silver novelty coins depicting a middle finger and Zero Fucks text on an American flag.

Finally, you can physically hand out your lack of effort with these Zero F's Given coins. These shiny metal tokens feature a middle finger and a "SPIN ON THIS" inscription, making them the ultimate way to tell an annoying coworker exactly how much you care with tangible, sarcastic sass.

$29ishWANT IT

Middle Finger Mug

White mug with coffee revealing a hidden 3D middle finger gesture at the bottom.

Finally, a way to tell your boss exactly what you think without actually getting fired. This Middle Finger Mug looks perfectly innocent until your coworker finishes their coffee and discovers the hidden 3D gesture at the bottom. It’s the ultimate "up yours" for your daily caffeine fix.

$14ishWANT IT

The Gift of Nothing

Clear rectangular storage box with bold black text reading "You Said You Wanted Nothing.

Finally, you can fulfill their impossible request for absolutely nothing without feeling like a total failure. This clear box provides an endless supply of nothing, making it the perfect gluten-free prank for the person who already owns everything and deserves a literal masterpiece of uselessness.

$9ishWANT IT

Dump a Trump Pen Holder

Donald Trump Pen Holder. Satirical resin figurine of a man in a red cap and blue suit posed on a black desk base.

Finally, a way to literally dump a Trump on your desk while keeping your pens organized. This heavy-duty, hand-painted resin holder doubles as a paperweight, making it the ultimate satirical gag gift for anyone who wants their office supplies to have a personality.

$19ishWANT IT

Can of Whoop-Ass

Cylindrical metal can of Whoop-Ass featuring a graphic of a clenched fist breaking out.

Give your most aggressive friend a Can of Whoop-Ass to keep them humble. This absurdly specific gag gift contains a generous serving of compost, making it the perfect "why does this exist" purchase for the hothead who needs a reality check.

$8ishWANT IT

Adjustable Lap Desk

Black adjustable lap desk holding an open laptop on a comfortable living room couch.

The AboveTEK Adjustable Lap Desk is essentially a leather-clad throne for your laptop. It features a heat shield to prevent third-degree burns on your legs and a retractable mouse pad for maximum "I'm busy" energy while you're actually just scrolling through memes from the comfort of your sofa.

$25ishWANT IT

Global Swearing Guide

Hardcover book showing how to swear around the world with humorous illustrations.

Upgrade your inner rage from "unfiltered yelling" to "sophisticated, multi-lingual flair." How to Swear Around the World is the ultimate guide for the traveler who wants to be internationally offensive while maintaining a level of linguistic class that would make a diplomat blush.

$13ishWANT IT

Lord of the Rings One Ring

Gold-plated One Ring replica pendant featuring engraved details on a chain.

Finally, you can rule them all without the inconvenient burden of actually being a Dark Lord. This gold-plated One Ring features laser-engraved Black Speech on both sides and comes in a velvet-lined wooden box. It’s the perfect way to embrace your inner Sauron while remaining conveniently mortal.

$159ishWANT IT

Sarcastic Adult Crayons

Yellow packaging displaying a hand holding a set of sarcastic offensive crayons.

The ultimate Secret Santa gift for the coworker who secretly hates everyone is this set of Sarcastic Adult Crayons. These non-toxic wax sticks feature offensive names like "Privilege" and "Suspicious Cold Sore Red," turning your next coloring session into a masterpiece of pure, unadulterated petty spite.

$12ishWANT IT

Wrong Answer Exam Book

Blue exam book titled F in Exams showing a handwritten geometry problem on the cover.

Finally, a way to prove you’re the smartest person in the room by being the most confidently incorrect. F in Exams features the very best totally wrong test answers, making it the ultimate trophy for anyone who has mastered the art of failing with style.

$6ishWANT IT